In my previous post on creepiness I talked about why guys get creepy and also tried to dispel a few misconceptions on creepiness and pickup arts. I stated that studying pickup and practicing social skills has improved every area of my life, and I meant it. Now it’s time to share some strategies anyone can use to destroy creepiness and get more social.
So without further ado, 7 ways to destroy creepiness and improve your social life.
#1 – Get a haircut and some nice duds.
I’ll start with the easiest to accomplish first. Get an expensive haircut and some decent clothes. I know some women who spend $150 on a haircut and I know a lot of guys who won’t spend $20 on the same. That’s crazy. One of my favorite bloggers, Penelope Trunk, flies to Los Angeles from Wisconsin just to get a haircut. Gals, would you be caught dead with a $20 haircut? I don’t think so. Fellas, this is one area where you can make a quick and immediate fix. Find a nice salon, tell the stylist to go to town, and blow some money. Then budget it in every month or so for the same. You’ll look and feel great.
Dadshouse brought up a good point in my previous post…not everyone has to have a GQ look. I totally agree. I say discover your personal style and take that to the max. One of the big name PUA’s, Matador, calls your outward presentation your personal Avatar. You want to make your Avatar unique and congruent with your personality. How do you want to be perceived? Generally, you don’t want to be perceived as a used car salesman…which kills me when I sift through match.com profiles where dudes look exactly like that. Have some style! Just getting a haircut and some nice threads can increase your response rate on online dating sites dramatically.
For personal styles, you could try: rock star, athlete, playboy, pimp, Wall Street baller, emo, street/urban, whatever. Your style should match up with your body shape and personality. Whatever you do, don’t be boring or tasteless. Keep in mind, whatever you personal style is will affect the types of women you attract. So if you’re not looking for crazy club chicks, you might not want to go with the rock star look.
I can’t pull off a rock star look. I’ve tried, but it’s simply not congruent with my personality or my vibe. I tried painting my nails black and wearing a leather wrist band and I looked like a fucking tool. But I can pull off GQ and I can pull off super duper athlete. When I do athlete, my fitness does a lot of the work for me in attracting babes. I buy pricier jeans and decent shirts from a place like Express and I look really good when I go out. You can spend a lot of money on clothes in a hurry, but you don’t have to if you want to make an immediate impact.
If you feel shitty about your social life, a makeover and some awesome new duds will give you an instant boost. I always feel great when I wear clothes that are flattering. Steve Pavlina blogged about fashion recently and I encourage you to read his posts here and here. He breaks it down why fashion is important to your well being very well.
Lastly, I’m not a huge fan of PUA “peacocking,” although I think it has its place. If you’re going to a crowded, high energy club, try wearing a crazy hat or off-the-wall shirt. Try wearing a purple wig. You practically have to wear a wig to get noticed in some clubs. I think of it like a costume party, and costume parties are fun. Go wild for special occasions.
#2 – Go to the Gym
This is a long term strategy, but one that can change your life drastically. Buy a membership and hit the gym every week. Start with 2-3 days per week. Work on your fitness, improve muscle tone, and cut garbage weight if you’re overweight. You’ll see (and feel) a noticeable difference in energy level, looks, and how you’re perceived and treated. When I first started lifting weights, people at my workplace noticed within the first month. That’s a huge lift and it helps to keep you going.
Personally, I do Crossfit mixed in with some power lifting, plus I run 3-4 times per week and also pay my sport. My friend Hammer does HIIT training, and my other friend GWNN does simple and effective workouts at home every day. If you’re looking for a training system, I recommend the Adonis Effect system. I’ve experimented with it and it’s effective. The workouts are terrific and the nutritional component is one of the best I’ve seen. Well worth the money.
Okay, what are two of the biggest complaints about going to the gym? Time and tedium. Time you’ll have to carve out, but you can make the time if you really want to. If you find the gym too tedious, try going to group classes (spinning, aerobics, Zumba, whatever) or even join a Crossfit gym.
The bottom line is gym work helps you to look great and oh yeah it has a nice side benefit of making you healthier.
#3 – Play a Sport
I separated this out from #2 above because I think playing a sport can have a huge impact on your social life. I moved back to Florida about two years ago and the first thing I did was join the local sports club for the sport I do. Boom, instant social group with people my age. I had 20-30 instant friends who have gone on to become some of my closest friends. Side benefits include parties, outings, travel to competitions, FUN, and more fitness.
If you live in a reasonable sized city, there’s almost certainly some kind of sports league you can join. This can range from softball to flag football to soccer to a running club. One of my female friends does a kickball league and they have a killer bar outing after every game every week. Tons of singles are at these things. Her team did well last year and they traveled to Las Vegas for the Kickball National Championships. Kickball! Who would have thought, right? Anyone can do that.
Most people find it easier to play a sport than to hit the gym, but I advise doing both. As you get older, you’ll be more injury prone and the weight lifting goes a long ways towards preventing that. Gym training also makes you more fit and more able to do your sport well. I’m sort of at the peak of my athletic prime with the backside looming, and I know I wouldn’t be able to compete effectively if I didn’t do the gym work. So that’s something to keep in mind.
#4 – Read and Study
I got into social arts after I got dumped by the hottest girl I had dated at that point in my life. She told me I wasn’t tall or good looking enough to keep her. Then I found out she had been cheating on me with a doctor. Ouch! Right after that I read an article by Mystery on MSN, and that lead me to read The Game. The book had a huge impact because it showed me that I could do something about my current state. With enough personal development and social skill improvement, I could attract and keep hot women. Most importantly, I could take charge of my dating life and not have to suffer through bullshit like the scenario I described above. So I dove in.
Yes, there’s a lot of dumb crap in pickup literature, but there’s a lot of value, too. I recommend reading The Game and treating it like a work of fiction. Enjoy it with a sense of humor and allow it to inspire you to transform yourself, which is what the story is all about. Then read some David DeAngelo, some Brad P., and Vin DiCarlo’s Attraction Code.
After that get some more books: Way of the Superior Man, Personal Development for Smart People, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Sex God Method, and David Shade’s Masterful Lover Manual. Commit yourself to becoming a vastly better lover and understanding the opposite sex. Open your mind to stuff that’s out on the edge and go read some raw blog posts about alternative lifestyles. I recommend starting with The Beautiful Kind.
Caveat: Don’t get bogged down reading too much and always reserve time to socialize in real time. Because the next part is the hardest…
#5 – Go Out and Approach 1000 people
This is the hardest part of the deal because it means spending hundreds of hours approaching complete strangers and getting rejected. And you will get rejected, sometimes spectacularly. Sinn recommends on his blog approaching 1000 women when you first start out. I want to recommend the same.
What this means is literally walking up to complete strangers in a bar, club, or any other venue and attempting to strike up a conversation from nothing. In the past 3 years I’ve been studying social arts, I’ve probably approached somewhere in the 1200-1300 range. That’s a lot of strangers, a lot of rejections. The upshot is I get plenty of dates and girlfriends. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything in the world, because now I feel completely comfortable chit chatting with strangers. I give off a cool vibe that unlocks doors for me. I’m really good at reading body language, translating non-verbals, and calibrating to complicated social situations.
Approaching strangers is exactly like making a cold call in the sales world. The first call is the scariest. You do it 1000 times and it becomes old hat; rejections mean nothing at that point. Every so often you’ll get a deal and that one deal makes everything worth it. The more calls you make, the better you get at selling and the more deals you close.
Alternative: Okay, I get it, you don’t have the time or motivation to do 1000 approaches. Hardly anyone does. I have an alternative for you, and that’s the 30-day challenge. The challenge is simple: go out every day (or night) for 30 days straight and open strangers. It’s finite and much easier to wrap your head around.
Some guys set an additional parameter and that is they have to approach 10 strangers per day. I did the challenge two years ago and I think I went out 25 out of 30 days, with an average of 5 approaches per day. Notice I didn’t say I was trying to get laid, get a date, or even get a phone number. That’s not necessary for the challenge. Simply go out and chat people up, say hi to strangers, pal around, and see where it goes. That’s it! This had a huge impact on my approach/open skills, essentially doubling my skill in a month, and destroyed any trace of nervousness or hesitation I had about talking to strangers. And the cool thing was a lot of those encounters led to dates
#6 – Find a mentor, someone that is cool and non-judgmental
I take it back, this might be the hardest strategy. Why? Because there are very few people who are cool enough, non-judgmental enough, and will take the time to coach you up as you journey forth. On the other side of the equation, you have to be cool enough to accept coaching and criticism. But if you can find a good mentor, you’re golden. An alternative would be to pay for mentoring, that is hire a dating coach and maintain that relationship over phone and email after the initial coaching sessions are done. This can be very expensive, as pickup bootcamps or one-on-one weekends cost thousands of dollars. But if you can afford it, it can be worth it. I did a dude retreat in the Dominican Republic with some great guys. It was damned expensive but totally worth it.
This is one strategy I wish I had been able to take advantage of more, but unfortunately I was never able to find a good mentor or afford to pay for one. I used a combination of self-coaching, posting in forums, and getting raw feedback from a couple of wingmen who happened to be close friends to advance myself.
If you’re really looking to destroy creepiness and get more social, I do recommend posting in forums as the audiences can provide a lot of positive feedback. Pickup forums are totally free and generally the guys are really cool and non-judgmental.
#7 – Do Something Awesome With Your Life
Last but not least, and most importantly, have some awesome things going on in your life that is completely independent of dating or relationships. If you do a couple of really awesome things and you get really good at whatever that awesome thing is, you’re guaranteed to destroy creepiness. My wingman Lilly is a surfer and he’s really good at it. Awesome. My pal Hammer does improv and he loves it. Awesome. I coach young athletes in the sport that I do. Awesome. Find those things that you’re absolutely passionate about and good at and take those things to the max. Being awesome at the things you’re really into makes you uber attractive. If you just do this one thing out of the 7 I’ve listed, you’re well on your way to being more attractive and improving your life.
I spent a few hours at a pickup convention in Orlando last year and, while I found the speakers interesting (for the most part), I thought the audience lacked something. That something was that all they talked about was game and getting chicks, which is not cool. After the convention I wrote a post about accomplishing things in your life to become more attractive. This is huge. Start working on this immediately and make it your #1 priority above all the other items. If you’re not doing something awesome then you’re not worth getting to know.
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