Today I want to talk about having multiple girlfriends. That’s right, when I say gf’s I mean apostrophe s. Even you have a hot girlfriend and you’re perfectly happy with that situation, more power to you. But, if you want to be a player and you’d like to “date” several different women at once, this post is for you.
Back in caveman times all alpha pimp cavemen had harems of cavewomen hotties, serving them grapes and servicing their needs, and it was totally cool. It’s wired into our DNA. It’s only because of Puritans and shows like the Wonder Years that we get stuck dating one chick, often times a non-hottie, and eventually getting married and getting fat. Aaagggggh! Sorry, my nutsack just had a spasm. Men are hardwired to have multiple partners and you can see evidence of this in the male of virtually any species on the planet. This is why, even if you’ve got a gf and you’re getting laid constantly, you still have the urge to have sex with other women. It’s an issue of variety.
For me personally, five girlfriends is about all I can handle. Some ultra pimps out there go for larger harems. My pal Tim has managed seven chicks at once for a stretch. One of the professional pickup guys, Jeffy, maintains up to 15 gf’s at a time. Nice. That’s a bit too much drama for me, though. With that many gf’s they would all have their periods at the same time and it would be hell. How do you deal with all the drama?? I’d leave town and jerk it for a week.
Here’s my breakdown on the ideal five girlfriend harem. You might have a different setup in mind, but this formation works well for me.
GF1: A hottie MILF. I know what you’re thinking, Lance, dude, why hang out with a single mom? But let me tell you, hottie moms are totally cool. 1) They don’t get laid that often, so they majorly want to bang your nutz off, and 2) since they have to hang out with their kid all the time, you won’t have to see them that much! Seeing each other one day a week is pretty easy here. Also the mom gf would be very down to Earth and intelligent and since she’s a mom, she could nurture me and feed me chicken soup when I’m sick and stuff. And if the kid is cool, we could rock out to Halo 3 and Madden. It can be totally sweet.
GF2 & 3: Two hot party girls. We’re talking super hotties here that I can go downtown with and have a kickass time. They would be young, like college age or just out of college. One has to be tall, like 5’10” or 5’11”. The other one can be shorter, but not too much shorter, and both will have immense boobs. We’re talking your basic eye candy so when you roll up to the club you look VIP. These two would be bi (naturally), and I would occasionally be able to take them out at the same time, provided they didn’t cause too much drama for Lance.
GF4: A Professional Hottie. She has to be a VP or better yet a lawyer and make tons of money. Six figures minimum. Obviously she’s going to be really buttoned up and fussy and wear suits to work. Since she makes tons of money, she would take me out to expensive dinners and buy me clothes and watches and stuff. Here’s the kicker, the Lawyer Hottie needs to be kind of a bitch, so she’ll bust my balls and call me out on my shit. If I got too wasted at one of our expensive dinners–whoopsie, too many martinis again–she’d bitch me out and drive my drunkass home in her Lexus. And then we’d have some crazy monkey sex on the living room floor. It’s good to get your ego stepped on every once in awhile. The Lawyer Hottie is perfect for that.
GF5: The cute chilled out Pot Smoker. I want her to be good looking but NOT too good looking, like a 7.5 or 8. Her defining trait is her cool personality. Likely, she would be a waitress or work in the service industry, doesn’t mind staying in so we could get high together, and would be totally chill. She would go with me to watch sporting events. Almost like one of the guys, except she’s cute and wants to get some Lance double D 1-2 times per week. You know what I’m talking about.
So there you have it people, my perfect 5 girlfriend harem. You’re probably asking, dude Lance, how can you GET 5 girlfriends much less manage them all, well I’m gonna save that for a later post.
Here are some other kinds of hotties that I considered but didn’t make the cut for one reason or another:
- Athlete Hottie
- Stripper gf
- Supersmart bookworm hottie
- Rocker chicks
How big would your harem be? What kind of chicks do you want in it? Leave your comments below.