Here are three gnarly relationship mistakes that I was involved with earlier this week. These sucked. In fact, they were so bad that Megan and I are now in this weird detente state where we’re not talking to each other and neither one wants to make a move to re-start communication. Relationships are a pain in the ass. Avoid these mistakes like the plague.
Don’t forget Valentine’s Day, and If You Do, Fake It
Megan did some sneaky stuff on Monday, trapping me into admitting that I had forgotten about Valentine’s Day.
Guys: Do you actually care about Valentine’s Day? Seriously? From my perspective, it’s a major pain in the ass and a potential minefield with ZERO upside. And let’s not forget about the cost associated with making the occasion “extra special,” which could easily peg you for hundreds of dollars. Come on, let’s come up with a better holiday. This one sucks.
Girls: Do you actually do any work for V-Day besides getting lavished with dinners, gifts, and vacations? Seriously?
Here’s how it went down:
Megan: “Hey, what are your plans for this weekend?”
Lance: “I think I’m pretty much open. Practice on Saturday morning. Practice on Sunday morning. The roomies and I were thinking about throwing a party on Saturday night. How about you?” (Note, we ARE throwing a party.)
Megan: “Um, didn’t you forget about something?”
Lance: “Um, not sure. What?”
Megan: “You forgot about Valentine’s Day.”
Disappointment and hurt feelings ensue. This happened on Monday, five days prior to V-Day. I did have plans to take us to dinner, get a cool gift, and have us do the party after dinner, but I hadn’t made the arrangements yet. Anyway, she got really upset by the fact that I didn’t have this dialed in. We had a big fight on the phone. I should have faked my way out of the mess, but I was so tired of the gamesmanship that I lost my cool and dismissed her.
Don’t Make Your Man Feel Inadequate
Ladies, the absolute trump card relationship-killing tactic is to make your man feel inadequate. Just don’t do it. Avoid terms and phrases like “disappointment” and “not enough” and “I wish you were this and that.” I don’t even want to get into why this sucks so bad, but suffice it to say that going there will kill all attraction and generate a tremendous amount of animosity and resentment from most guys. This is the type of feeling that gets boyfriends referring to their girlfriends as “major bitches” to their drinking buddies.
If you’re a chick, this is how you want to engage your BF: Support, encouragement, have him solve problems and complete tasks. Humor him when he forgets stuff because he’s a guy.
Equally egregious and also to be avoided…
Comparing Your Man To Another Women’s Boyfriend
Megan proceeded to compare me to her friend’s boyfriend who HAD made “extra special” arrangements for V-Day, like a beach trip and flowers etc etc. The minute she dropped this bomb, I scolded her for the insult and then hung up. We haven’t spoken on the phone since. I’ve been seriously thinking about dumping her since the incident.
This is the coup de grace tactic for blowing your BF out of the water. Guaranteed, he will dump, cheat, and mistreat you after this occurs.
My Perspective on How To Handle This
This was a good old fashioned shit test, which I failed miserably. My opinion is that shit tests are immature and unnecessary six months into a relationship. I think shit tests play a role, but they should be reserved for the initial attraction process. Once you’re deep into a relationship, you have to shed this tactic and instead work through relationships constructively, critically, and rationally. Further, you should see your partner as a resource and a partner and not as an object that needs to be constantly tested.
What Megan should have done was bust my balls in good humor about forgetting and then worked with me to make plans that we both could get excited about. Her deal is that she didn’t feel “special enough” because I hadn’t been working hard enough to make the Valentine’s Day a big deal. I think her path was the selfish one. Agree or disagree? Or am I just a big douche?
Anyway, those are three biggies to avoid.
If you’ve douched up your relationship lately, you might also enjoy these fine posts:
- Are We Doomed To Relationship Failure?
- Can You Teach An Old Dog New Tricks?
- Honey’s Take: The Key To Successful Relationships