Archive for March, 2008

Don’t Abuse Your Fuck Buddy (FB pt 3)

This is part 3 of my FB thread. Part 1 is how we met, part 2 is how we closed the deal. This post includes the reflections and insights I had on the process of obtaining an FB. At the bottom I tell the story of how I fucked up a past relationship in true chode-like fashion.

Here are my takeaways:

Continued

Why I Am A Flawed Human Being, pt. 1

As Lance and I (and practically every other dating site out there) are fond of saying, insecurity is the death knell for any type of relationship. Of course, insecurity has many manifestations, and many of them seem like the opposite of insecurity if you’re not paying attention. For whatever reason, it’s a cinch to to recognize in other people. It’s harder to recognize insecurity in yourself, not least of which because:

  • Who wants to admit something icky about themselves? Plus,
  • Admitting it means that you have to actually do something about it. Denial is a small price to pay for the bliss of inertia. Continued

I Just Did A Kegel (FB pt 2)

Okay, let’s recap. I have a fuck buddy and I picked her up at a bar. Her name is Amber. She’s totally cool. Few more details: age 23, recent grad of UCLA, art history major, likes to party, moving to Spain this summer to teach English. That last piece of info is critically important because it dictates my strategy for our relationship. This is part 2 of Lance’s FB thread. Part 1 is here, and part 3 is here.

Continued

How I Met My Fuck Buddy

I have a fuck buddy. Just thought I’d get personal for a couple of posts. I picked her up at a bar a couple of months ago. I know what you’re thinking…Lance picked up a skeezy ho, screwed her six ways till Sunday, and is jerking her around. Um, no. I have to say, she’s a cool chick and I’ve developed the relationship into a really nice little friends-with-benefits situation. Here’s what I did. This is part 1 where I describe the meet and pickup. Here’s part 2 and part 3.

Also, see this related post on how to set up a long distance fuck buddy.

Continued

Why Ladies Really Hate Players

In reading Lance’s response to Goot, I was forced to ask myself an unpleasant question: why do so many ladies out there hate “players” so much? Because an emotion or reaction like hate (or detest/dislike/despise/disapprove of, if you think hate is too strong of a word) can only be inspired in someone who is threatened by whatever caused the emotion. Generally we don’t admit this, and say things like “I feel sorry for them because…” or talk about karmic retribution or whatever. But, pretty much, saying that we hate players means that a) we think they’re onto something, and b) we’re afraid that they’re going to gain the upper hand with us. So a hatred of players generally revolves around fearing loss of control.

Fear 1. Players Don’t Play The Game. When it comes to dating, most of us imagine pretty much the same things, in the same order. Women may want political and economic equality, but they certainly don’t want equality in relationships–they want the upper hand. After all, most of the traditional rules of dating were designed to give the woman the advantage. One of the appeals of “nice guys” is that their responses are predictable: I talk to you and you buy me a drink.

cosmopolitan.jpg

(I’ll have a cosmo, please.) Continued

Travelogue: San Francisco

We got back from San Francisco yesterday, and then I had barely enough time to unpack, repack, and drive back to Flagstaff (whew!). We managed to divide our vacation time fairly equally between my friends (I was there for a conference) and his friends (we were staying with someone he knows from his Master’s degree who lives in the city). We didn’t have time to do everything, but we did manage to do each other! Addendum to my travel advice from before: leave at least one entire afternoon free for a pub crawl. We try to do this in every city we visit–the pure freedom of having to take a cab anyway means no d-driver! Other addenda: Continued