Countdown – less than three months until Jake and I get hitched! The invitations are in production now and should be here in two weeks. This is really happening! But, this isn’t about that. It’s actually just a quick something that Jake said to me the other day that I wanted to get your take on.
Jake said that while he tells me sometimes (not frequently, but not infrequently either) how important it is that I support his decisions. Whenever he is stressed about something, he always asks if he has my support. Sometimes this is emotional, like when he was scared to leave his job to start his own company. Sometimes it is financial – now that he doesn’t make a salary, sometimes he can’t predict his income and isn’t sure he’ll get paid by a client in time to pay one of our bills. Whatever he asks for, I always give it, of course!
But…he says that I never really tell him that I need his support. Read the full article
I’ve been doing some experimenting with my relationships recently and one thing I’ve found is that straight up communication isn’t that effective. When I say communication, I mean sitting down and talking face-to-face. Talking is useful and has it’s place, but more is needed.
What I’ve found is that something has to happen in the relationship, basically a process that leads to a confrontation. I call this process a change agent. In a recent relationship, I had a girlfriend that was taking my for granted. I used this technique: I froze her out for a week, withheld contact and affection, and didn’t do anything generous. This caused a confrontation at the end of the week. After the confrontation, we had an exceptionally honest conversation, and after that I saw some real change. It should be noted that I rooted out some fears she had about our relationship, got her to verbalize my behaviors that were bothering her, and we both were able to compromise and implement some changes. It worked out well.
I think women understand this intuitively and use techniques like the above naturally. I call this “chick game.” This is why chicks will give you the cold shoulder or act like bitches, because it’s a process to get you to really consider what is wrong. I used to find this irritating but now I embrace it. I find it more effective to be able to play this game rather than make it go away. It’s a bad idea to rationalize and reason through all of your communications.
BTW, I call the one-week freeze-out technique above my Relationship Reset Technique, because you’re basically resetting the relationship to a balance point.
This is a simple concept but one I’ve found that is adding a lot of value to my life. In the last year or so I’ve been consciously surrounding myself with men and women that I consider high character. At the same time I’ve been shedding my low cha
racter relationships. This is creating more opportunity and bringing a lot more love and value to my life. It’s presenting professional opportunities and options for growth. If you’re not already doing this, I recommend starting on this project now.
One of the sports clubs I belong to is filled with hundreds of high character people. This includes firefighters, law enforcement, ex-military, business owners, family men and women, and people from many walks of life. One pattern that sticks out from this tribe is that almost everyone is high character. Because it’s a sports club and we’re constantly on stage during competition, our character is revealed to each other. This makes it easy to identify. Being absorbed into this group I’ve noticed is improving my life and improving my happiness.
What really turned me onto this concept was when I worked out with an ex-Navy Seal about a year ago. The guy radiated charisma and it was painfully obvious that he was a man of unimpeachable character. Just being around the guy made me rethink my priorities and what it meant to be a solid dude. Since then I’ve been trying to be a better guy and surround myself with high character individuals.
on Nov 23, 2011 in Life
I dug Penelope Trunk’s post, Blueprint for a Woman’s Life. She brought it strong and as usual her stuff was controversial, which I like. I didn’t agree with all of her points–most actually–but it’s worth checking out. I decided to write my own blueprint for guys. I’ve been blogging about relationships/sex/dating on Honey and Lance for 3.5 years (!!!) and I can recommend how a man’s life should go, at least through his mid-30′s. I’d love to see other male and female bloggers write up similar posts and give their perspectives.
Step 1 – Embrace Your Inner Warrior
I’m going to interchange the term warrior and athlete here. We’re all born athletes and have the capacity for strength and endurance. It’s ridiculous to live a life without honoring your physical self and maximizing your body. Men especially are born warriors and need to act like it. Get your asses in the gym and get strong. Benefits: Looking great, health, longer life, great sex.
This the first thing a man should embrace.
“No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training…what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” – Socrates
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on Oct 28, 2011 in Life
Over the holidays, while watching The Nutcracker live on TV, I had an epiphany.
Here it is: Performance and the act of performing is critical to the human experience.
What spurred that thought was watching interviews with several of the kids who played major characters in the production. Even at a young age, children are very much aware that they’re on stage, performing, being judged for their performance, and growing as a result of the experience.
I look back on my life and recall the most vivid, most memorable experiences are ones where I’m performing, especially at a high level. For me, most of these are sports and adventure related. Without these experiences, I can honestly say that my life would be pretty boring. Perhaps even meaningless.
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