As you may have guessed from my comments, I don’t love my boyfriend’s dog. And, as owning two cats and no bedroom door (in my soon-to-be given up Flagstaff apartment) may suggest, I had more of my fair share of problems dating. However, pets are a very complicated issue. Here, my totally biased analysis of the pros and cons of having pets (or dating someone who does).
I Woke Up Next To Two Dogs, A Cat, And A Hot Chick
Okay, I had a great little Saturday night. Initially, I invited Kitty Lance to go for dinner at this hot Cuban place (kickass mojitos and ‘ritas), but Kitty was getting over a cold and not quite up for going out. Instead, we grilled at her place and killed a bottle of wine, which was fine because it was a spectacularly nice evening. Umm, what else does this mean? That’s right, pre-extracted, much easier to get my schwervey-schwerve on. Now, if only I could sedate the two dogs who f’ed up my game last time.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
Are We Doomed To Relationship Failure?
So a reader, Jessica, emailed me in response to my post on relationship experience here. Her main point:
So reading your key to a successful relationship made me think immediately of Catch-22. I really hope we’re not all doomed to relationship failure just because we haven’t had enough failed relationships in the past!
What I think Jessica is assuming is that since your past relationships are, well, in the past, that makes them failures, ie they didn’t last. My thing was that you should accumulate relationship experience as you move towards the next stage of your life (whatever that may be), but on the way all of your relationships should be ones of value. Just because you broke up with a gf or bf doesn’t mean that you didn’t enrich that person’s life for the time that you were with them. Even if you just dated someone for a few dates, you should have learned a bit more about attraction and had some good conversations too. Don’t undervalue these things, even if they were short term!
I say it’s time to stop thinking of past relationships as failures. Stop thinking of it as baggage! There’s growth and value to be taken from any relationship, and unless you’ve really fucked it up, you can at least get a good friendship if you put some work into it. Bad breakup? Harsh words? So what…wait a couple of months (or years) and make friends with your ex. Start giving value back to make up for the negative feelings.
Honey is a golden example for me. We used to date, now we don’t, but now we’re creative partners and good friends. Even the women that I don’t talk to I’ve learned a ton from, and I’m glad I had them in my life. Those experiences have shaped me. It’s not baggage, it’s my life experience, and I’m glad I had them.
So How Do You Get Better?
Start by admitting that you suck at relationships and you don’t know jack about yourself, because you probably don’t. Then open yourself to criticism and trod the path of self improvement. Go socialize, make friends, and try to connect with people at an intimate level. Don’t be a douchebag or douchbaguette. Look at your relationship life as a continuum, something that you’re always working on and improving. The more people I meet, the more I realize how little I know about people. So it inspires me to go out and meet more people, and date more girls, because I want to figure things out.
Eventually, you’ll be ready for whatever the next stage is. That could be a marriage or it could be a life partnership. Whatever is right for you. Most importantly, use that experience to learn about attraction, learn about connecting deeply, and learn about yourself. As a man, ask yourself what qualities you really value in women…and I don’t mean legs, ass, and breast size. Go beyond the physical and explore what you truly value. Asian Rake addresses this in his excellent post on Believability and Elite Game. Think long and hard and write that shit down.
One last thought. Where do most of us get our relationship knowledge? Mom and dad, for starters. Do they give you good advice? Are they good role models? Sometimes, but not always. Do they teach you how to screw? No. Are your friends good sources of information on relationships? They’re often just as clueless. How about television and books? Great. This is why we have canards like the “fairytale romance.” Examine your body of knowledge and your experiences, be critical of yourself, and then seek out good sources of information and better role models.
Go see what’s out there. There’s way more than you think.
Jessica also sent me three links to amusing dating disaster videos on iVillage. Here’s one, about a dude who prances around in thong from a chick he just slept with. This turned her off for some reason. Dude, why is that a disaster? Sounds like fun.
Check out the other videos, in particular Headband and Scary Sara.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
I Got Cockblocked By Fluffy and Spike
I engineered a meetup with Kitty on Sunday night, but I didn’t close. Here’s what happened. I ran my text game as described in my previous post. She responded that she was interested but was spending the day with family. AND, she thought she was coming down with a cold (yeah right), but if she was feeling up to it, she’d contact me tonight. Cool, it looked like there was still a connection and my unintentional jackass move from yesterday didn’t blow me out.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
Ugh! I Royally Screwed The Pooch With Kitty
Someone shoot me in the face. I royally jackassed up with the new Leo.
Here’s what happened. Kitty and I had settled on a date for Saturday night. We made these arrangements the day after our first date completely via text, and I knew it was on. Basically, the tone of the texts was pretty sexual, and as long as I didn’t fuck up horribly we were going to get into some intense monkey sex after our date. She wanted it and, obviously, I wanted it too.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
I Made Out With A Leo And It Was A Pain In The Ass
My date with Kitty was killer. Here’s how it went down.
Firstly, I was well dressed. I wore a cool pair of jeans and a badass, dark green, long sleeve shirt I save for special occasions and first dates. The shirt is fitted, so it shows off my upper body well. This is a nice detail that has gotten me compliments in the past.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
Cool Email Game + Date Setup With Kitty
Are you fucking with me? I met this chick online and her last name is Lance. Seriously. Is that a sign or something? She’s also a Leo, and Leos get along swimmingly well with Geminis. Go read any love astrology site. Back in the day, I had this one gf who was a Leo and let me tell you, the sex was off the hook. But, I digress. The new girl’s first name is Kitty. Kitty Lance. I told her her name sounded like a porn star name, and her response was, “Yeah, I get that a lot.” I think we’ll get along pretty well.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
Moving Day = Excitement + Mixed Feelings
My landlord’s wife found someone to move into my apartment. Great news! They are going to let me out of my lease early so that he can move in. However, in order for all this to happen, I need to be out of the apartment by Sunday, May 11. Egads! So I have reserved a U-Haul truck and movers on either end to load/unload the truck. Now I am packing like a fiend. I actually don’t own a ton of stuff and 1/3 of it has already been moved to Phoenix, so this is not going to be too tough. I find that now that everything is happening, though, there are mixed feelings (about the move, not the BF). Read the full article
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
Lilly’s Diet and Fitness
This is guest post from Lilly, my homeboy and wingman in Tampa. Lilly was a college athlete and he continues to take care of himself by going to the gym regularly and eating right.
Yo, Lilly here. Lance asked me to write a guest post on diet and fitness, so here it is. I’ve been exercising consistently since I was 15 years old. I’m still in good shape and I look and feel pretty damn good for being almost 32. When I was a kid, I was tall and skinny and I wanted to put some meat on my bones to get in better shape for surfing, look better for the girls, and feel better about myself. Well, I accomplished all three of those goals. Here’s what I did.
(Lilly may or may not look like this)
Diet
This one is going to be broken down into a number of items. For the normal person, diet is over 80% of the battle. Unless you’re Mark Wahlberg or Angelina Jolie (if you’re a chick), your diet is much more important than exercise. You are what you eat and that is a fact.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
My Date With The Artsy Chick
Smooth! Artsy Chick didn’t flake on me, so I must have run some decent game afterall. We met at Starbucks at the appointed hour. We both ordered tea, sat at a table outside, and conversed for 45′. Excellent conversation, topics ranged from travel to art to mountain biking to our respective degrees in Fine Arts. We had a lot in common. I would characterize this stretch as generally flat in attraction, mostly because we sat across from each other, talked, and no kino. We definitely weren’t flirting, it was just a getting to-know-you period. Artsy Chick was a very good conversationalist, easily my equal.
I told 2-3 solid stories, and during one story about me dealing with some funny relationship drama, she leaned way across the table and listened closely. Decent little spike there.
If you enjoyed this article, consider subscribing to our RSS Feed
